just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
