That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
