I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
should my penis look like a turkey
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
