True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
