But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
me + whiskey = a bad person
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