your thong is hanging out like whoa
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
If I die, sorry about rent.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
PANTIES FOUND
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