Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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