You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
