HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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