i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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