Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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