He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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