I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
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