I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
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