Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
