you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
