mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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