Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
