peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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