1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
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