matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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