we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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