i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
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