I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
