I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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