I just threw up on my dentist
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
