Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
