he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
