I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
How does it feel to date your dad?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
