Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
