Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
