she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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