So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Drunk is a universal language darling
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
