the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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