dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
