Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
