I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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