I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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