Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
