I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
