saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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