Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
