he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
