The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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