For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
