thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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