I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
