how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
