He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
