Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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