I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
