Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
