So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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