i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
farters have to be the big spoon...
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Randomize
