Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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