A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
