Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
