I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
