yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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