Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Randomize
