I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
