Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
