We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize