At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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