office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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