Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize