She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
