Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
