My girlfriend figured out who you are.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
