We're like a lot better than the average bears
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize