weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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