Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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