I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
