p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
