You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
