wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I fill condoms, not promises.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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