The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
