Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
