my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
