Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
