Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
