He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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