Tell her she can't have a vagina
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
