I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
wanna go halves on a baby?
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
