You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize