i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
