But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize