i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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