Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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