Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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