Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
