I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
