You work out of a Hotel?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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