We won't sleep together?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
