I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
...so i touched it.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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