So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
