I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize