My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
