But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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