Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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