My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Randomize
