A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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