HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
