i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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