Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
