just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
