i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I FOUND THE LEGS
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
