Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
