You're a womanizer and a bitch.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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